Buffy the Fly Swatter
by Erin Giles
Summary: Just a small fic-let inspired by a summer night, my kitchen, my best friends and LOTS of lemonade! *SHOCKER* It’s not angsty!


TITLE: Buffy the Fly Swatter  
  
AUTHOR: Erin Giles  
  
RATING: G  
  
DISCLAIMER: None of the characters belong to me I'm just borrowing them for my crazy indulgence! He he! I'll give them back once I've finished . . . honest!  
  
DISTRIBUTION: Fanfiction.net other than that please ask b4 u take!  
  
SUMMARY: Season 4. Just a small fic-let inspired by a summer night, my kitchen, my best friends and LOTS of lemonade! *SHOCKER* It's not angsty!  
  
NOTES: Thanks have to go to my two best mates Gem (Xander) and Lorna (Buffy) who gave me the inspiration! Also my dad (Giles) who walked in on the whole thing and made it so much funnier! By the way Lorna we've got more flies since you left!  
  
FEEDBACK: I know it's just a crazy little fic but I'd like to know if you find it as funny as I thought it was when it happened!  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Giles wasn't home and so the original Scooby gang had let themselves in. They were sure he wouldn't mind when he eventually returned, they practically lived at Giles' place anyway. They had planned to be here though to give the Watcher a surprise birthday celebration; but since he wasn't anywhere in sight they had started the party without him, after they had finished their decorating.  
  
Xander - and Giles mainly after some friendly cupboard foraging - had provided the snacks as well as the high-in-sugar lemonade, which seemed to go straight to the trio's heads. It wasn't long before the three were a giggling mess, lying about Giles' living room in a casual fashion.  
  
Willow had curled herself up on Giles lazy-boy, staring lopsidedly at Xander who was lying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, fascinated. Buffy on the other hand was roaming about the room like a feral hunter.  
  
"You saw it, right?" she was asking, as she looked under the desk, ever observant of her surroundings, even in her slightly drunken lemonade state.  
  
"Saw what, Buff?" Willow asked, propping her head on her hand as it slipped from the arm of the lazy-boy and back into her lap.  
  
"The fly!" Buffy exclaimed, continuing her search of the room. She stopped in her tracks, spotting something and moving towards it cautiously. When she was almost upon it she raised her hand and slammed it into the bookshelf. It made a loud thud and several books tumbled to the floor, but didn't hit anything fly shaped. Willow watched the black speck rise up away from the Slayer and continue its' circle of the room.  
  
"I saw it then." Willow giggled, following its' progress before losing sight of it.  
  
"Oh! OH!" Xander said, waving his arms in the direction of the ceiling, as Buffy leapt into action following his emphatic pointing.  
  
"Slayer, this is nighthawk. Target has been acquired circling," he paused looking pointedly at Willow.  
  
"What's your code name Will?" Willow looked thoughtful for a moment before she replied.  
  
"White witch!" she said nodding proudly.  
  
"Ok." Xander said nodding and looking above Willow's head again, only to discover the fly was no longer circling his best friend's head.  
  
"Slayer, this is nighthawk. We've lost the target." He said, searching the room again, only to be interrupted by Willow's shouts of.  
  
"Over there. No there!" she said pointing wildly in the direction of the front door. Buffy stealthily made her way towards it as the fly, brushed at its wings, oblivious to Buffy's advances. But as the Slayer landed a hard blow on the door that shook its' frame the fly was already buzzing off round another part of the room.  
  
"I thought you would be better at this Buff. I'm disappointed that 'The' Slayer cannot defeat the almighty fly Lord!" Xander said, continuing to lie on his back, patting his stomach in a drum like fashion, before laughing in a low evil laugh, mocking of your stereotypical evil geniuses.  
  
"Mwahahahaha!" Willow looked at Xander oddly before starting to giggle herself. Buffy hushed them both, annoyed at Xander's words as she continued to stalk the fly that seemed to be evading her every move.  
  
"Oh!" Willow said suddenly sitting upright, causing Buffy to look wildly about the room.  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Where what?"  
  
"Where's the fly?"  
  
"No fly," Willow said, shaking her head, which caused Buffy to frown and continued her search.  
  
"I was just thinking you could use cocktail sticks." This caused both Xander and Buffy to stop their search and look at the red head.  
  
"You know. To stake them." She said, showing a staking motion.  
  
"They're like mini stakes for flies!" she said giggling softly before she realised no one was laughing with her, or even at her.  
  
"Or, yah know, not." She said settling back down into her chair.  
  
"Here's a crazy notion Buff, why not use a fly swatter." Xander suggested as he pulled himself onto his hands and knees and crawled his way into the kitchen. There was rattling in drawers yet Xander's head didn't not appear above the line of the work surface as he searched relentlessly for his prize.  
  
"Ah ha!" he said standing up triumphantly at last.  
  
"The ultimate weapon for a girl in a profession such as yours." He said presenting the swatter to Buffy, tapping her shoulders with it on both sides.  
  
"I knight thee, Sir Buffy the Fly Swatter. Arise Sir -"  
  
"Uh Xander?" Willow asked, interrupting Xander.  
  
"In case this has evaded your notice, which I doubt from what happened in Buffy's first year of school, but Buffy's – uh - female and therefore not a Sir but a Dame. So it should be Dame Buffy the Fly – OH! There!" Willow interrupted herself waving in the direction of Giles' desk, causing Buffy to snatch the fly swatter from Xander and slam in down onto a book. The end of the fly swatter splintered, pieces coming off of it as Buffy continued to stalk the fly, becoming impatient now.  
  
"I'm not the one dishing out to get Giles a new fly swatter." Xander clarified as he returned to his position on the floor.  
  
"Oh! Hey! We could get him an electric one." Willow exclaimed sitting bolt upright.  
  
"I'm sure that's what every Watcher wants for his birthday Will."  
  
"Not for his birthday Xander. I mean I already got him this really funky snow globe that's got big Ben in it, but I'm hoping that it doesn't make him homesick, 'cause," Willow shook her head, wiping the dreamy look off her face about what Giles was going to think of his present as she caught the looks Buffy and Xander were giving her.  
  
"Beside the point. It could be for . . . oh!" Willow actually jumped out of the lazy boy this time, shaking her hands about in front of her the way she did when she got excited about things.  
  
"Vampire electrifier!" This new suggestion from Willow got even more puzzled faces, allowing Buffy the distraction to finally hit her target.  
  
"I win!" she said triumphantly as Xander got up and did the Snoopy dance in celebration, while Willow hummed the theme tune and Buffy watched on.  
  
"Okay, I need to spend Christmas at your house." She said to Xander before slumping onto the couch feeling extremely please with herself.  
  
"And now that's over, allow me to be the first to say 'huh'?" Both eyes turned back to look at the redhead.  
  
"Well he's always getting attacked at his apartment so we could get a vampire detector thing that fries them before they even get anywhere near the door. And we could programme it to kill demons too and – and – with the zappy thing." She finished lamely as she slid back into the lazy-boy, seeing no one was as excited about this idea as she was.  
  
"Ok I think someone's had a little too much sugar." Xander said reaching out and pulling the lemonade bottles out of Willow's reach.  
  
"Uh huh." Buffy agreed.  
  
"But everything is good for I, Dame Buffy the Fly Swatter, killed the evil fiend and now we are safe to reside in this dwelling until Watcher of mine returns when we will commence the feast of -"  
  
"Uh Buffy." Willow interrupted, as she looked cross-eyed at the end of her nose where a fly was perched.  
  
"I think there's more than one." She watched as the insect took flight and her eyes followed it, uncrossing and making her dizzy for a moment.  
  
"Or they're like vampires." She suggested as Buffy got to her feet and began the hunt all over again, fuming and mumbling obscenities to herself.  
  
"How's that?" Xander asked his best friend.  
  
"They can't die unless you decapitate them or stake them or expose them to sunlight or fire."  
  
"Mmm, toasted flies. Delicious." Xander said sarcastically as he rubbed at his stomach before he resumed watching Buffy, singing the mission impossible theme tune as Willow helpfully pointed randomly round the room.  
  
"Buffy I really think there's more than one of them. DOOR!" Willow shouted pointing at a fuzzy black dot that hung by the door as the handle turned. Buffy swatted aimlessly at mid-air as Giles returned to his chaotic apartment. Buffy elbowed the door accidentally, causing it to bump into Giles and his precariously balanced load of groceries, splaying him and them all over his doorstep.  
  
"Oops." Buffy squeaked pulling the door open again to reveal Giles sat on the floor, glaring up at her, covered in milk.  
  
"Sorry Giles." She said reaching her hand down to pull him to his feet.  
  
"That's – what on earth are you doing?" he asked noticing the haphazard decorations that were strewn about his apartment.  
  
"Surprise!" Willow said jumping out from behind the door and throwing her arms up in the air as Giles looked at her quizzically.  
  
"Surprise?" he asked raising his eyebrows slightly as he stooped to pick up his groceries, Buffy helping.  
  
"Happy Birthday surprise. You know, party hats and streamers and presents and general yayness. Only we don't have party hats. We should have got party hats." Willow explained mournfully, wondering why she hadn't thought of party hats earlier. Giles blushed as he busied himself with picking up bananas that would surely be bruised from their nasty fall.  
  
"Willow, who told you it was my birthday?" he asked, still not looking up at her.  
  
"Buffy." She said cheerily looking at Buffy who was now holding two grocery bags in her arms looking cautiously at Giles.  
  
"It is your birthday, right?" Willow asked worriedly, looking back at Giles who was now holding a single bag and a bunch of rather battered bananas. Giles frowned.  
  
"Yes, Willow," he said sighing slightly before glaring daggers at Buffy, who just smiled sweetly back, and going into the apartment.  
  
"It is my – ow!" his sentence was cut short as a fly swatter slapped down on his head, the culprit's eyes going wide as he suddenly realised his mistake; that Giles was in fact not a fly, no matter what his writing may suggest,  
  
"Alexander Lavelle Harris!" Willow exclaimed, snatching the fly swatter from him as she tried to suppress a giggle escaping her already amused face.  
  
"Sorry." Xander apologised half-heartedly while trying to suppress his own laughter. Giles dumped the groceries on the counter, Buffy following his lead as he rubbed unconsciously at his stinging head before he surveyed his apartment. He took in the presents on the table; the empty lemonade bottles on and around the furniture; the books toppled from the shelf; the cushions on the floor and the general disarray of his usually tidy apartment.  
  
"What on earth have you three been up to?"  
  
"Target practice." Buffy explained proudly as she watched a fly buzzing round her head and swatted blindly at it. Giles rolled his eyes before going into the kitchen and starting to unpack his groceries, the bottles of lemonade and packets of cookies not even making it to the cupboards before they were snaffled by the Scooby gang.  
  
"So it is your birthday then G-man?" Xander questioned round mouthfuls of cinnamon cookies.  
  
"Yes it is Xander, and please don't call me that."  
  
"So -"  
  
"If the words 'How old are you' are going to come out of your mouth, think twice." Giles retorted before Xander could continue, and no more was said.  
  
"Giles leave the groceries 'til later, you have to open your presents." Willow said excitedly as she jiggled up and down on the couch. Giles wasn't paying attention though. His eyes were following the progress of the fly buzzing round his head. He watched as it landed on the counter before his hand flashed out, the fly making a satisfying noise as his hand made contact. Buffy stared open mouthed for a moment as Willow and Xander descended into fits of giggles at how easily Giles had defeated the fly while it had taken Buffy the best part of an hour to kill just one.  
  
"Looks like you won't need that vamp electrifier Will." Xander said in- between gasps to try and catch his breath. Willow pouted.  
  
"I had marketing schemes and everything worked out." She complained bitterly as she slumped into the lazy boy as Giles continued to look totally bewildered. Buffy however continued to glare at Giles as he spoke.  
  
"What on earth is so amusing and Buffy why -"  
  
"He's forty-six." 


End file.
